Jul 17
There was a bear and a rabbit doing a shit in the woods, and the bear asked the rabbit “Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?”. The rabbit said “No I don’t, why do you ask?”. The bear said “Oh no reason” and 5 seconds later he picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with the rabbit.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”
It must suck being an egg – you only gets smashed once, laid once and the only woman who will sit on your face is your mum
A mother has three daughters. The first daughter goes up to her mum and says, “mum, why am i called Petal?” and the mother replies, “because the first thing that fell on your head was a petal.” The second daughter comes in and says, “mum, why am i called Rose?” and the mother replies, “because the first thing that fell on your head was a Rose.” Then the third daughter comes in, and says “uuurrrberklumtica?” and the mother says “oh, be quite Fridge!”
